Innocence

I love the innocence of a baby. They are never embarrassed or ashamed. They never feel bad for crying. They like the simple things like a plastic bag, a newspaper, a slipper or a Kleenex. These objects be can be so fun to explore. Touching parts of their body is always something that can bring new amusement. A new noise can entertain them for hours on end. When do babies loose this innocence. Imagine life was so simple? Imagine the best thing in life was having your mom close by, and a sound from you could have her running to you instantly. Imagine not knowing anything bad or hurtful? Everyday for a baby is a day to learn, play and love. 
Watching the innocence in my son brings me so much joy and so much love. It makes me enjoy my life and eager to go to bed to start another day. Seeing the excitement in Sutton when Alan comes home is always so heart warming. The squeals of delight never get old, and I don't think they ever will.

Raising my son has not aged me at all, it has made me feel young and free, full of life. Everyday I get to see things for the first time again. A plastic container being banged on a floor can make so many different noises, it can bounce and roll or not move at all. Every bang can have a different outcome.

It can be harder these days to clean, do yard work, shower, do laundry and all the other chores and necessities in life. Since I do all these things with a baby close by, or attached to me, it is never the same. Sutton enjoys watching me vacuum and do laundry. He likes the noise, and the movement. I like the final product and the completion, he just likes the act. Again, so simple and so innocent. He doesn't dread going downstairs with a laundry basket, he likes to see where we go, and what we do.

Life has sped up and slowed down all at once. The once mundane chores are now like adventures.

These little creatures can sometimes be so complicated and yet at the same time, so sweet and innocent.



To Work Or Not To Work??

This decision is harder than I ever thought. When I was pregnant I seriously thought I would go back to work, maybe even early. I also thought I would continue with my courses during my year off. Who was I kidding? Clearly because Sutton is my first child, I had no idea what was going to be in store for me. I had no idea that my child would die if I left him for more than an hour,(or so it seems), I had no idea I would feel at peace being home all day with my son. I had no idea I would have to google nursery rhymes and create dances for them. I had no idea I would take my boob out so many times a day. I had no idea that my days of crazy long showers would be over. I really didn't know anything, I still don't know everything, but I do know how much I love my son, and the time we have together.

These little amazing creatures do grow so fast. I still haven't decided what I am going to do. Will I work full time, part time or not at all. Will I go back to the same place if I do go back? When did I become old enough to make such huge decisions.

If I got back to work, full or part time, there is a lot I have to do to help Sutton adjust to another care giver. I need to work on his sleep, nursing, bottles and solid foods, but mostly I have to get Sutton to be okay without me.

Oh dear god, the stress is huge and I'm not really the type of person who gets stressed out. I should maybe go crawl into bed and snuggle that little ball of perfection. After all, our cosleeping nights are going to change. It saddens me, but it's a family decision that Alan and I made, or one which I agreed to. As with everything regarding Sutton, it will be baby led, maybe a modified version, I want Suttin to ease into his own room and crib well. I know this could be very hard, so we will take it slow. We have done this before with short term success, now to try again.

Goodnight!