This decision is harder than I ever thought. When I was pregnant I seriously thought I would go back to work, maybe even early. I also thought I would continue with my courses during my year off. Who was I kidding? Clearly because Sutton is my first child, I had no idea what was going to be in store for me. I had no idea that my child would die if I left him for more than an hour,(or so it seems), I had no idea I would feel at peace being home all day with my son. I had no idea I would have to google nursery rhymes and create dances for them. I had no idea I would take my boob out so many times a day. I had no idea that my days of crazy long showers would be over. I really didn't know anything, I still don't know everything, but I do know how much I love my son, and the time we have together.
These little amazing creatures do grow so fast. I still haven't decided what I am going to do. Will I work full time, part time or not at all. Will I go back to the same place if I do go back? When did I become old enough to make such huge decisions.
If I got back to work, full or part time, there is a lot I have to do to help Sutton adjust to another care giver. I need to work on his sleep, nursing, bottles and solid foods, but mostly I have to get Sutton to be okay without me.
Oh dear god, the stress is huge and I'm not really the type of person who gets stressed out. I should maybe go crawl into bed and snuggle that little ball of perfection. After all, our cosleeping nights are going to change. It saddens me, but it's a family decision that Alan and I made, or one which I agreed to. As with everything regarding Sutton, it will be baby led, maybe a modified version, I want Suttin to ease into his own room and crib well. I know this could be very hard, so we will take it slow. We have done this before with short term success, now to try again.
Goodnight!
My take on it is if you can afford not to go back, and can afford another unpaid mat leave (eventually), don't go back. :)
ReplyDeleteSo ya, don't go back...but also move home. k thanks.
Or, go back to work...but in Ontario so Sloan and Sutton can spend their days with the same child care provider! ;)
I say, if being home is where your heart is...stay home. I was my happiest when I got to be home, but we just couldn't afford it after a while. But if you can afford it, then go for it! You will never regret staying home, even if it makes you struggle financially like it did us...neither of us regret giving it a shot.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, your little dude will be okay if you have to go back. It took me a long, long time to realize with my first kid that I wasn't actually the one controlling his breathing.... But the way I acted, you would have thought I was! (my husband made me put the baby in his room at 5 months old, and the first night, I slept in the floor in his room. Lol)
Either way, you'll be a good mommy!