The Adventures of a Bond Mommy!: The Decision Has Been Made

I'm sitting here in bed, with the house all tidied up and on lock down. Alan is out of town again, and as much as I hate it, it is nice at the same time. I have had a few hours all to myself, and it feels great. Sutton isn't away, he is in his own crib in his own room, all sleepy and cosy, dreaming of mommy milk and pizza...maybe, maybe not!

So, Alan and I finally made the decision about me going back to work or not. Well, I made my choice I guess, he is OK with whatever I decide. I decided...that....I....am..... NOT.....going.... back.....to.....work. This was such a hard decision for me. Funny how it took me so long to decide, because come to think of it, I really knew this on Nov 19, 2010, I even remember the time, it was 10:45am. I love to work, to learn, to be responsible and be in charge of doing something, and of course I like to social aspect of it.
I do work now though, everyday, all day with breaks being very rare, and lasting only minutes if i do get a break. I am always on call, so I can't plan much for myself. Or when I do plan something, I will never be alone or more than a few hours.

I haven't yet told my employer that I won't be returning. I am sure they assume I won't be. I went in for a meeting a few weeks back to discuss working part time, and they weren't willing to do half days. This doesn't work for my nursling. I though about half days elsewhere, but again, it's a childcare issue. We...or I, don't feel comfortable leaving Buttons with anyone until he is around 2. That way, I feel, I will have a better understanding through him what sort of care he is given. He may be talking then, but I am sure I will really know by his behaviour. It's crazy to think of my little boy being 2.
So, there, decision made. I am going to officially be a full time mommy and housewife....with no financial compensation. How will we make ends meet, I have no idea. Maybe we will have to sell everything we have....kidneys included, I have no idea. We are very comfortable with this decision, and maybe after my mat leave runs out in November, we will have to re-evaluate. We did discuss selling the house, and finding something more manageable. I thought about taking in a child or 2 on a part time basis, delivering flyers, whatever it takes. It won't equal my wage before Sutton, but we are starting to see that every dirty brown penny does count.

I finally feel comfortable and at peace. I've taken the stress away by simply deciding, and knowing I am doing what is best for my son, and my family. Perhaps now, I can focus on my health more as well. Crap, I am supposed to be fasting for bloodwork tomorrow...opps!

Summer is coming to end very quickly, and it feels as though it has just started. I love summer, and I never want it to end. Before long, it will be -40'C in this province, and all everyone will talk about is how cold it is.....
We have done so much this summer, and I can't believe that in a sense my summer continues, not the weather, but the feeling of freedom that summer brings. No more back to school traffic, not seeing daylight because I am stuck in a concrete pit all day. I will be home everyday with my little man, playing house in real life, only this time, I am not pretending to be the Dad, I am a mom...in REAL LIFE!!!!

I just had to sneak out of the house in my tank and undies to get the camera from the van so I could upload these pics!