deal with my being different...and pissed off-ish-ness!

new look to my blog....sans capitals!!!  i am writing more like i do in personal emails, so the thoughts might be more random, graphic, rude and grammatically incorrect!

i feel much different this week than i did last week.
i don't know if the baby is moving differently or if perhaps i am having braxton hicks contractions.  which according to alan...don't exist.  neither do fetal hiccups.  remember, i know nothing, and make up almost everything i think or say.  hahaha  wasn't he overhearing the trash woman talk at the clinic about hiccups?  sometimes trash women actually know stuff as well, not just his beautiful amazing wife!!!

zoe comes this weekend, i can't wait.  we plan on going to the market, going to thyme, and eating fresh fruits and veg.  that's the plan thus far! 

we met with the doula the other night, and we really like her.  i think she will be great to have there at the hospital and at home beforehand if time allows.  she asked us both millions of questions, and i cried the most part of the sessions.  just little tears though, not actually sobbing.  she probably thinks i am completely insane, and if that's the case, her thoughts aren't too far off!  haha

i signed us up for pre-natal classes.....kinda!!!  a few people have recommended that i read the book "hypnobirthing" as it helped their labour immensely.  so, i read some reviews on it (apparently, that's not the same as reading the book), and talked about it with my doula. she said that there are classes as well on it.  so, the other night, i signed us up.  i wonder now if i made a huge mistake!!!  here is the class description :

Practicing Hypnobirthing® will improve your body's ability to have its perfect birth "
Your body, without any fear, will give birth without excessive pain. Fear present during birth causes tension in the body, which deprives the uterine muscles of oxygen and causes a tightening of the muscles that close the cervix. Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, an obstetrician in the 20th Century, coined this process as the 'fear-tension-pain' syndrome typical of modern childbirth. This 'fear-tension-pain' process is unnecessary and is not your bodies natural way to give birth.
HypnoBirthing® teaches women techniques to deal with their fears and stop the 'fear-tension-pain' cycle by training the body to release tension. Unnecessary pain is avoided and birth is experienced in a relaxed and natural way.

Hypnobirthing® is a full child birth education class and as such, we cover all topics necessary to help you through your pregnancy, labour and postpartum times.
Some topics that we will be covering include:


- What Happened to Birth?
- Your Changing Body
- Preparing your Body & Mind for Birth
- Fear Release & Birthing Affirmations
- Pre-birth Parenting
- Selecting your Caregivers & Birthing Environment
- Your Body: Perfectly Designed for Birth
- Techniques for Achieving Your Gentle & Relaxed Birth
- Breastfeeding
- Postpartum Needs & Care
- Community Resources & Support

in theory it sounds like it will be very informative, and help me to release my fears of a human being removed from my body through my crotch, but i also fear that it might be a little bit new age.  i really hope that both alan and i enjoy it, and don't drive home sunday thinking we wasted so much money and have to endure another 5 weeks of it.  its on sundays from 6pm until 8pm for 6 weeks i think.  as long as there isn't a huge focus on meditation, etc, then all should be good!  and because our doula is a huge supporter of hypnobirthing, then it will be even more beneficial!

monday night, we pretty much bought a car, and then unbought a car.  we backed out at the last minute.  i really didn't feel right about it.  and we got sucked into the standard routine from a used car salesman. 
there were times when i could barely breathe, i felt so much stress, and i could feel my son was stressed out as well!!!!  it wasn't good.  i was all tight and tense and couldn't focus on anything.  i can't imagine being one of those unfortunate people who are always stressed out.
he (used car douche) even mentioned several times about his lung cancer he has had twice.  okay seriously, i don't care.  for several reasons....a) i SAW you smoking, you later denied you were smoking (liar) b) we don't know you, c) you are so wormy and d) your perv stash is freaking me out.  that's right alex!  fuck you!!!!!  he really pissed me off yesterday when i called him to say we weren't going through with it.  well, minutes after i hung up, he called alan.  did he not see during our meeting, that i am the more dominate one when it comes to negotiating deals, deciding things, etc.  why talk to alan?  "alex" should have known alan would say he would call me to discuss. 
when alan told me about this, i freaked out, and instantly called alex and nicely gave him a piece of my mind.  he then said to me that he only called alan to let him know that he was calling him for a reason??  wtf??? do we look stupid?  clearly we aren't because we didn't take the crap deal he was willing to offer us!n  so ya, it's official, i hate alex the used car salesman!

3 other people are pissing me off now too.  2 i can ignore, 1 i cannot.  i fear i will loose it on the one i can't ignore.  the other 2, well, frankly, i don't even know why i'm so irritated by them, after all, things haven't changed, just always stayed the same between them and i.  why is everyone pissing me off????
whatever.  everything seems to irritate me these days, so i am deciding it is purely pregnancy related, and i have the right to be pissed off and irritated at people.  but, i warn you all, tread lightly because i am a volcano waiting to erupt, and throw and puke on, scalding hot lava, with precise accuracy and distance!

and to top it off, while driving to work this am, i was puking into a bag...while driving.  sometimes, i just can't pull over when necessary! 

here is a fuzzy bad quality pic of my cat who also looks somewhat pissed off and doesn't care what we think, he is laying in the stove because he loves to. deal with it!!!

have a good day y'all., from lewis and myself!