Sutton is 1 Month Old....Tomorrow

I was going to do this post tomorrow, however, I have some spare minutes so I will do it now!  Can you believe it, I am actually sitting down on the computer, resting after a baking session that was a disaster, listening to Christmas music and just waiting for Sutton to wake up.

Exactly 1 month ago today I was pregnant, anticipating my due date which was the following day.  Little did Alan and I know that Sutton would start his decent in just a matter of hours.  It is amazing that this time last month I wasn't a parent, and fast forward to today...I am a parent.  The last month has flown right by.  I have been trying my hardest not to blink...at everyone's advice!

My little sweetheart has been with us for a month now.  A month filled with joy, tears, happiness, confusion, laughs, frustration and cuddles.  I guess that's the life of a parent.  We deal minute my minute and take the hard and easy days in stride.  Alan looked at me the other morning, and said "We will just chalk that up to a rough night."  Isn't that the truth.  We also praise the good nights though, as there are many.  We are trying to establish some sort of a sleeping routine.  I have read many many articles, some which state that at a month of age a sleep routine isn't possible, and others state it is.  We are picking and choosing the parts we like best, and adding them to our memory. 

Alan and I make all our parenting decisions together, and that is exactly how I hoped our life would be.  I only wish Alan came with boobs.  The other day though, I brought Sutton to my breast and made sure his mouth was open wide, and Alan pushed him on, so he helps every way that he can.  He is an excellent bather and bum changer.  My husband is the greatest husband and a truly wonderful father.  Years before Alan and I were together, we joked that we would have kids together.  When we sent eachother letters (in the mail, not email) on the return address sections we would write "The father/mother of my child."  As it turns out, we knew exactly where life would take us.  10 years later, here we are, happily married, and we have a son together, something I refer to as our "little ball of human perfection"

Sutton recently showed us he can make tears.  Heartbreaking, yet adorable at the same time.  He hasn't seemed to get sick and tired of me hugging and kissing him though...thank god!  He isn't a fan of me not allowing him to comfort suck.  At a feeding it is fine or at night time, but not just all day long for something to do.  He doesn't like his soother either.  He did suck his thumb last week though, and it was the cutest thing ever!!!!  He also got his SIN card!  What a grown up little man.

This month we welcomed Brayden James into the world.  My sister Christine gave birth to an adorable boy on December 15.  I cannot wait to meet him.  Sutton now has 4 cousins.  I often wished we lived closer to our families so that we can all be closer, especially the kids.  As much as I wish that, I am so happy here in Alberta.  It makes going to Ontario to visit that much more special.  But we live in Alberta, and we love it.  This is home for us. 

We hope to get a new vehicle soon...Alan wants a minivan.  Help me God.  I am not against minivans, I just never thought I would have one, especially before the age of 30.  However, I also had doubts I would have a child before the age of 30.  We have a list of pros and cons for vehicle choices, and the minivan is winning.

It is almost Christmas. The house is decorated, and almost all the gifts are bought.  Alan's parents (Mimi and Grandad) are coming next week, and we are very excited.  They have been in Houston the last couple weeks visiting Sutton's little cousin Penny, and will make their way here next.  We will welcome them in our parkas, mittens, toques and boots!!! hahaha

I can't upload any pictures at this time, as we have signs of life, oh wait, maybe not....Kobe was just checking on him.  I am so touched at the wonderful Bond these 2 have!  It is adorable to see Kobe interact with Sutton.  When I was showering the other day, I heard Sutton crying, and I heard Kobe run over to him, then come into the bathroom and push the shower curtain aside so he could see me, then he ran back out to Sutton, and then to me again.  He was clearly telling me that Sutton needed me.  I have been watching Pet Heroes a lot lately, and have been thinking of making my own show called "Pet Babysitters!!!"  hahaha

Here are some recent pics:

Thumb sucking Baby!!!!

Alan looks funny here, still in his work clothes, as soon as he gets home he is thrown the baby and I shower or do laundry! Sutton looks so happy being held by his Dad!!!

I love how Sutton is sitting so straight and tall.  He was probably terrified of Alan's shirt or his giant hand!

Oma was here!

My mom, Sutton's Oma was just here for 5 days days.  She flew to Edmonton from Toronto last Sunday and just left today.  What a busy week we had.  Lots of shopping, laughing, chatting and of course more shopping.

I initially didn't want any house guests until the new year.  However, as the days passed and I was feeling confident in my new role as a mother, I wanted to spend some time with my Mom before she left for 3 months holidays.  It was great having her here.  I had long showers, walked to dog, and regained some feeling from my arms which are usually numb from baby holding etc. 

We had a great time!!! Here are some photos:

Picking Mom up at the Airport!

Oma holding her Grandson!

Daddy feeding a bottle which took forever for me to pump!

3 weeks old and in a Christmas outfit.

Morning snuggles from his Oma! 

This makes me laugh.  He is clearly terrified he is being held by a crazy lady in leopard print jammies and making a babouska with a receiving blanket! haha

A New Perspective

Three weeks ago if someone asked me the definition of: love, time, patience, sleep, food, breasts, marriage and family, I would have answered very differently then than I would today.  It is amazing how your life can change in the blink of an eye.  Even though I had a full 40 week planned pregnancy, the feeling of holding your baby in your arms, is not something you can be prepared for.

I can't even describe how it feels to be rocking your baby to sleep at 3:00am, sobbing, tears falling onto his head, completely frustrated, and then to look at your baby and tell them how much you love them, and how long you waited to meet them.  Love has a whole new meaning to me now.

Breastfeeding....it is hard....it is learned...and it is trying.  Even though breastfeeding is so natural for women and children, it is by all means not easy.  It is something that the baby and mother have to learn together, by trial and error.  I have shed many tears of frustration over this wonderful experience.  Even 3 weeks later we are still working on perfecting the latch, timing and of course nursing to soothe.  I have received so much advice/opinions on all topics.  I have taken offense to some advice, and I am sorry that I let my emotions get the best of me.  I know that people mean well, but I think sometimes it can come across as overbearing and rude.
I have had a couple people tell me to let my baby cry, or to offer a soother to calm him, and also not to let him sleep in his bassinet.  Funny thing is, we didn't want a bassinet, but it was a good purchase.  It is much easier to stay in bed and gather my baby, rather than to fully wake up, turn on lights etc.  As far as rocking, soothers, etc go.  I had a friend tell me that they rock their child to sleep and don't always offer a soother.  They might offer their breast and simple comforts like being held.  I thought this was great to hear.  This friend explained it by saying that she wants her child to know that she will always be there for them.  They can always count on mom, and sometimes, even as an adult, a hug can make everything better.  How true is that!?!?!?!?!

Anyway, it has been 3 weeks since my life changed dramatically.  It is great, and definitely a learning process.  I am beginning to learn what my baby needs and when he needs it.  Sometimes it is a guessing game, other times I truly know.  I know his signs of hunger, which I presume are the same for all babies.  I think I know when he has gas, needs changed, and I know when he wants to be cuddled (which is always!!!!)  I can tell how deeply he is sleeping, and I can also tell when he will wake.  The things you learn from staring at and spending all day with someone are infinite!  But, he is my baby, and I do know him best!!!

So, from the new me, the MOM, I do want to apologize to everyone who I may have been short or harsh with.  This is an adjustment time for me, and I think all new moms learn best by following their instincts and not always by advice, which often comes across as opinions and pressure.

Birth Story....Finally

I was going to do a post on Thursday Nov 18, but wanted to wait until Friday to update a picture of me at 40 weeks exactly....I didn't ever get the photo of my pregnant belly, but I did get a photo of my son!

Where to begin......Thursday night (Nov 18), I went to bed at around midnight.  I awoke very alert at 2:30am with fairly bad cramps, I went to the bathroom several times, and couldn't get back into bed to sleep.  I waited it out a couple of hours, just standing around seeing if anything changed.  It did.  The cramps lessened and the feeling of something else came about.  I called Joelene, and we talked about timings and such and she thought I was in real labour, I think I knew I was as well.  I went online to a contraction tracker and started timing them.  The site was really helpful to determine how far apart and the length of each. (Google: contraction master).  Alan and I weren't sure if we should head to the hospital or not.  We decided when the contractions were about 2-3 mins apart and lasting over 45 seconds, we should start the car (it was -23'C or something), install the car seat, and get all of our stuff together.  Because it was 6:30am, we also wanted to get on the road before rush hour traffic as a 10 minute drive could take an hour with the road conditions and traffic as well.  We made it to the hospital no problem at all, and I was admitted into assessment.  There was no doubt in anyones mind though, that I was in real labour.
They wanted to check me, and I couldn't lie down.  With every contraction, I had to be standing, or leaning over a chair with Alan applying pressure to my lower back. Lying down was the worst feeling ever, even sitting was impossible.  With every red light on the way to the hospital, I had to get out of the car and stand.  I can only imagine what other drivers were thinking.

Anyway, they checked me, and it was the worst pain ever!!!!  I literally had to be held down and had a couple different nurses attempt it.  We discovered that I was 3cm and 75% effaced.  Still a while to go yet.  We walked around the corridors and I spent a lot of time on the toilet.  My body was cleaning itself out and prepping for labour.  I look back now and can't believe what Alan and I experienced together.  It was such an embarrassing time or was it all new experiences, I am not sure, yet neither of us even thought about that I think.  I did apologize several times to Alan though that he had to witness what my body was doing.  It wasn't me though, it was my body, and we both knew this was all part of the process we call childbirth!

The nurses asked me about pain medications, and even though I didn't want anything, I did ask what they had to offer.  They suggested morphine and the gas.  The morphine had too many risks.  I wasn't able to have the gas as they didn't have a portable tank and I needed to be 4cm to go to Labour and Delivery, and no way was I going to be checked again any time soon.  That was too much to endure.  We waited a bit longer, then they admitted me anyway.

This is when my water broke and stuff was coming out of my body like crazy.  I was standing and leaning on the bed, and the nurse suggested I get on the bed.  I was on my knees with my head and hands resting on the top part of the bed in an upright position, I still couldn't sit or lie down.  Eventually, the urge to push was so strong, and I was check and was 8cm.  Within an hour, I went from 3cm to 8cm.  I was continuously told not to push, and the noise that came out of me when trying to hold back against a push was unreal.  How you can stop yourself from that, I have NO idea.  I continued to wait, and fight each urge to push with each contraction, but continued to be sick.

Eventually, I couldn't take holding it back anymore, and was checked again, I was 10cm....so, let's get this show on the road!!!!   I stayed on my knees, as I couldn't move.  The nurse told  me how to push and how to breathe, and I missed it that time.  I had no idea what to do.  Alan was amazing though.....of course.  He told me when to breathe, and to open my legs, bear down and push for the count of 8.  Without him, I think I would still be in labour, he was so supportive and did a wonderful job encouraging me, and of course applying very firm pressure to my lower back.

The doctor came in, I pushed, and I felt something, I had to ask what it was, as I couldn't see anything, she informed me it was a head.  Then another big push, and I felt this huge gush of something large and watery, bubbly, I am not sure how to describe it.   I then asked what that was, and she said that it was the whole body.  I was done, we were done, my son was born at 10:45am.  I remember asking several times throughout the morning what time it was.  I figured I pushed for maybe 30 minutes.  A very quick 30 minutes. 

At this point, I turned around, saw Alan hand back the scissors from the cord cutting, and held my beautiful son for the first time.  I said hello to him, kissed him, and then he peed on me! 

I was pretty numb for the next hour or so.  I think the exhaustion and the high just hit me.  I didn't cry, and didn't express much for emotion.  Labour was over, and our son was healthy and in Daddy's arms.  I simply just sat and didn't think about much.  (Although, Alan informs me, I did call my mom, I don't really remember!!!)  I was so pumped with adrenaline, I was shaking.  The doctor cleaned me up, and started to examine me, and had to repair a little tear.  Funny how I was so scared of tearing.  No biggie, you don't know until after you tore, so I don't know why I was so terrified.

Something things I learned/experienced:

1.  The pressure on your bum is unreal...I literally reached back and had to feel and asked Alan to see if the baby was coming out of my bum. (Of all the stuff people told me, NO ONE mentioned the pressure on your bum)
2.  The power women gain to deliver a baby is phenomenal.
3.  I have the greatest husband.
4.  I delivered a baby naturally and with NO pain medication.
5.  Hypnobirthing is hard to practice in the moment.
6.  When at home timing contractions, I knew I was in labour but didn't realize I was having a baby.
7.  I am not quiet when delivering a baby.  With each moan/grunt, it helped me to push, and was very effective.
8.  Being naked is mandatory, and it's true, it doesn't matter at the time who's around.
9.  Sutton came on his due date!  How odd!
10. The Royal Alex staff were all superb and supportive of our birthing plan, even the last minute changing.  Nothing was done without our full comprehension and permission.
11.  I am a woman of super strength and power.
12. I have a family, I love it!

Some Timings:

Nov 19, 2:30am - Awoke with contractions
Nov 19, 6:30am - Left home to go to the hospital
Nov 19, 7:00am - Admitted into hospital
Nov 19, 9:00am - Admitted into Labour and Delivery
Nov 19, 10:45am - Sutton was born
Nov 19, 12:00pm - Sent to our room for recovery
Nov 19, 3:00pm - Alan went home to nap and check on Lewis and Kobe
Nov 19, 6:00pm - Danny, Christina, Karl, Janelle, and Maddy came to the hospital to visit
Nov 19, 9:00pm - Alan left again to go home and sleep and be with the pets
Nov 20, 10:00am - Discharged from the hospital
Nov 20, 6:00pm - First home visitors - The Springers, came with a "Birth Day" Cake

The entire experience was surreal.  It all happened so quickly, I didn't even have time to rationalize what was happening.  At times I think I told Alan I couldn't do it.  He told me that I was doing it, and I was doing just fine.  I remember afterwards saying that it was easy and wasn't a big deal at all.  Now I wonder how I did it, and am terrified to do it again. 
Neither Alan nor myself could have imagined it going better than it did.  It went better than we planned, and better than we could have hoped for.

One thing I wish I would have done differently, is to go home and rest afterwards.  I had a giant burst of energy the first couple days, and nested like crazy.  I was out doing errands the day we got home even.  My body needed time to heal and recover and I didn't allow that to happen as I should have.  I did pay for it though.  Here almost 2 weeks later, I am basically all healed up and am feeling well. 

Alan and I are parents now, this has been almost 2 years in the waiting, and finally the day came....amazing!!!



Here are some of our first family photos:

This is the position I laboured in.

The second Sutton was born.  Alan and I hadn't see him ourselves yet at the point.

Our first "official" family photo.

6lbs, 5oz of pure perfection!

A very proud Daddy holding his son for the first time!

Sutton's first meal.

Our first night together....this was fake, I didn't really sleep!

Getting ready to go home!

All bundled up and ready to go!

I am sure that I left so much out, as the entire process was a whirlwind of events and emotions.  I'll update as I remember more.