deal with my being different...and pissed off-ish-ness!

new look to my blog....sans capitals!!!  i am writing more like i do in personal emails, so the thoughts might be more random, graphic, rude and grammatically incorrect!

i feel much different this week than i did last week.
i don't know if the baby is moving differently or if perhaps i am having braxton hicks contractions.  which according to alan...don't exist.  neither do fetal hiccups.  remember, i know nothing, and make up almost everything i think or say.  hahaha  wasn't he overhearing the trash woman talk at the clinic about hiccups?  sometimes trash women actually know stuff as well, not just his beautiful amazing wife!!!

zoe comes this weekend, i can't wait.  we plan on going to the market, going to thyme, and eating fresh fruits and veg.  that's the plan thus far! 

we met with the doula the other night, and we really like her.  i think she will be great to have there at the hospital and at home beforehand if time allows.  she asked us both millions of questions, and i cried the most part of the sessions.  just little tears though, not actually sobbing.  she probably thinks i am completely insane, and if that's the case, her thoughts aren't too far off!  haha

i signed us up for pre-natal classes.....kinda!!!  a few people have recommended that i read the book "hypnobirthing" as it helped their labour immensely.  so, i read some reviews on it (apparently, that's not the same as reading the book), and talked about it with my doula. she said that there are classes as well on it.  so, the other night, i signed us up.  i wonder now if i made a huge mistake!!!  here is the class description :

Practicing Hypnobirthing® will improve your body's ability to have its perfect birth "
Your body, without any fear, will give birth without excessive pain. Fear present during birth causes tension in the body, which deprives the uterine muscles of oxygen and causes a tightening of the muscles that close the cervix. Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, an obstetrician in the 20th Century, coined this process as the 'fear-tension-pain' syndrome typical of modern childbirth. This 'fear-tension-pain' process is unnecessary and is not your bodies natural way to give birth.
HypnoBirthing® teaches women techniques to deal with their fears and stop the 'fear-tension-pain' cycle by training the body to release tension. Unnecessary pain is avoided and birth is experienced in a relaxed and natural way.

Hypnobirthing® is a full child birth education class and as such, we cover all topics necessary to help you through your pregnancy, labour and postpartum times.
Some topics that we will be covering include:


- What Happened to Birth?
- Your Changing Body
- Preparing your Body & Mind for Birth
- Fear Release & Birthing Affirmations
- Pre-birth Parenting
- Selecting your Caregivers & Birthing Environment
- Your Body: Perfectly Designed for Birth
- Techniques for Achieving Your Gentle & Relaxed Birth
- Breastfeeding
- Postpartum Needs & Care
- Community Resources & Support

in theory it sounds like it will be very informative, and help me to release my fears of a human being removed from my body through my crotch, but i also fear that it might be a little bit new age.  i really hope that both alan and i enjoy it, and don't drive home sunday thinking we wasted so much money and have to endure another 5 weeks of it.  its on sundays from 6pm until 8pm for 6 weeks i think.  as long as there isn't a huge focus on meditation, etc, then all should be good!  and because our doula is a huge supporter of hypnobirthing, then it will be even more beneficial!

monday night, we pretty much bought a car, and then unbought a car.  we backed out at the last minute.  i really didn't feel right about it.  and we got sucked into the standard routine from a used car salesman. 
there were times when i could barely breathe, i felt so much stress, and i could feel my son was stressed out as well!!!!  it wasn't good.  i was all tight and tense and couldn't focus on anything.  i can't imagine being one of those unfortunate people who are always stressed out.
he (used car douche) even mentioned several times about his lung cancer he has had twice.  okay seriously, i don't care.  for several reasons....a) i SAW you smoking, you later denied you were smoking (liar) b) we don't know you, c) you are so wormy and d) your perv stash is freaking me out.  that's right alex!  fuck you!!!!!  he really pissed me off yesterday when i called him to say we weren't going through with it.  well, minutes after i hung up, he called alan.  did he not see during our meeting, that i am the more dominate one when it comes to negotiating deals, deciding things, etc.  why talk to alan?  "alex" should have known alan would say he would call me to discuss. 
when alan told me about this, i freaked out, and instantly called alex and nicely gave him a piece of my mind.  he then said to me that he only called alan to let him know that he was calling him for a reason??  wtf??? do we look stupid?  clearly we aren't because we didn't take the crap deal he was willing to offer us!n  so ya, it's official, i hate alex the used car salesman!

3 other people are pissing me off now too.  2 i can ignore, 1 i cannot.  i fear i will loose it on the one i can't ignore.  the other 2, well, frankly, i don't even know why i'm so irritated by them, after all, things haven't changed, just always stayed the same between them and i.  why is everyone pissing me off????
whatever.  everything seems to irritate me these days, so i am deciding it is purely pregnancy related, and i have the right to be pissed off and irritated at people.  but, i warn you all, tread lightly because i am a volcano waiting to erupt, and throw and puke on, scalding hot lava, with precise accuracy and distance!

and to top it off, while driving to work this am, i was puking into a bag...while driving.  sometimes, i just can't pull over when necessary! 

here is a fuzzy bad quality pic of my cat who also looks somewhat pissed off and doesn't care what we think, he is laying in the stove because he loves to. deal with it!!!

have a good day y'all., from lewis and myself!

Meet my Baby Boy....Electronically!!!!

This past weekend was GREAT!!!  So much happened, even though it was a pretty relaxed weekend!  
Friday night, I can't even remember, but Saturday morning, I went to St. Albert to the market, where I got a car seat cover for winter, a hooded towel, 2 huge receiving blankets, and a sleep sack!  I got exactly what I went for, and then some more too!  Shortly after getting home, Steph came over to check out the stuff I have bought BBB (baby boy Bond) so far.  I loved opening all the drawers and basically showing off all the diapers, clothes, and other miscellaneous items!!  Such a moment of pride, I can't believe that in a matter of weeks (well, 11) I will be showing off my baby!!!!  Then, Alan came home from fishing and we went to the 3D Ultrasound.  Following this beautiful sight, we went for dinner with the Springers, and as soon as we got home, Alan went to bed, as he wasn't feeling well.  I spent the night watching TV, and waking Alan up to see how he felt!  Sunday morning, we lazed around a bit, and then went to the West Edmonton Mall, along with the rest of Edmonton.  It was so busy, I was going crazy, but it is back to school shopping.  Other than lunch and frozen yogurt (of course) I got 2 clips for my Pandora bracelet to keep my charms where I want them.  After the mall, we went to Babies R Us and chose the crib, stroller and car seat!  All ready to go there.  I am so glad Alan was there, as it is impossible for me to make huge decisions like that myself. 

Now for the super exciting news......the 3D Ultrasound has come and gone, and I am still in awe over it.  All of our parents, my sisters and a friend had the luxury of being able to view the ultrasound live online, and I was so happy they all could.  Steph and Cait came along with Alan and I, and they enjoyed it as well!

It is confirmed, he is a HE! (My dreams proved me wrong again!!!)

So, here are some pics from the ultrasound!!!!

Moving around a little bit!!

Still relaxing with his little hand close by!

It's a BOY!!!  (The tech actually said he had a long penis, we all laughed so hard!!!)

A little foot and toes!!!

Still sleeping!

 (Look at his bicep!!!)

He opened his eyes to look back at us!!!!

Is that a smile?

This is where I shed my first tear!  He is sucking his thumb...it was so sweet, and he is so human like (of course) it is still shocking though to know that he is Alan and my son!

All snuggled up using his arm and my belly as a pillow!

After playing with his cord, he decided he was tired and needed yet another nap! (Another tearful moment for me!!!)

Folded in half!

It was so amazing to see, and I loved looking over at Alan and seeing him smile and look interestingly on at the screens!

The tech said that everything looked good (she isn't a radiologist though of course).  She estimates him to be fairly tall.  She said that he looked very much like his Dad but with my nose.  She also said he has a little bit of fine hair on his head, and has nice full lips!  I can't wait to kiss him.  He will probably stay in the position he is in now, as he is getting too big (approx 3lbs) and there isn't enough room for him to move around much).

It's amazing how much you can love someone without ever meeting them or knowing them yet.  I want to hug him so tight, and kiss every part of his face over and over again!  I want to hold him, and love him, and kiss him!  AND....I think he wants me to hold him!These are going to be a long 11 weeks ahead of me!!!

GDS...To Skip or Not to Skip???

Man-oh-man, did I ever screw this up!  You know when someone says to get a test done in a few weeks, well, those weeks have come and gone and I didn't get around to getting the testing done.
From what I understood when I was first given the blood req forms, was that I had to have blood work done to confirm my blood type for my WinRo shot.  And I had to have the Gestational Diabetes Test done at the Perinatal Clinic a week after that, or a week after the WinRo blood work, I forget exactly.
I go yesterday before my pre-natal appointment to get the blood work done at the lab in the clinic I am already in. I decide to look at my form...it states on it "Nothing to eat, drink, smoke or chew 3 hours before."  Okay so, skip that test for today.
I see my doctor, she asks me about it, and I tell her that I don't really understand what I am suppose to do.  She then tells me to do a 3 hour fast and get blood work, and they then I will be called to be informed as to where and when I go next to drink the orange crap.
So, this morning, I fast and go to the clinic again, the girl at the counter states that I have to wait an hour there after drinking the orange crap.  WTF???  I thought I was only getting blood work done first?
I run upstairs to my pre-natal clinic to get the booking girl to explain it all to me.  Again, I am now on a 3rd explanation and it is different from the first one SHE gave me, the doctor and the lab girl.  I have since called the DynaLife Lab people to make an appointment, and I can't get in anywhere by appointment at 7am.  I do still have to make it to work at 8:30am.  I can go as a walk in, but "apparently" they need to prepare the drink.

I am thinking maybe I will just skip the testing.  I am not sure I can though as I also have to have blood work done to test for syphilis.  Which I guess is routine testing done 3 times throughout your pregnancy.  It just doesn't seem to be able to work out for me time wise.  That or I am too lazy really!  And just annoyed and irritated!!!
And I also hear that this test is brutal, being made to chug this orange crap in seconds, and then sit there with a full bladder for 1 hour.
Can I skip the testing though??  Do I have to have it?  I have opted out of other tests and medical care which was recommended I get.  Chances are I do not have GD as I get my sugar tested through my urine at every appointment right?  I am not overweight, etc etc etc.  However, my mom is diabetic and my older sister had GD with her last pregnancy.  So, does that mean I am at a higher risk of having it???

I did find one place that opens tomorrow morning at 7:30, and I might have to a wait about 15 mins to actually get in, so if I do have to wait, then I will be late for work.  Actually, I will be late regardless as I have to sit there for 1 hour, and then get to work, luckily it's only a couple blocks away!

THE Room is Started!!!

Last night Alan decided it would  be a great idea to move the spare room into the den.  I of course went along with it, as I have wanted this done for a number of months now.  So, we got it all moved and organized.  It looks great, we just need to move the blinds, curtains and wall pictures still.  Then the spare room is complete in its new location.

We also built the dresser/changetable for the babies room.  Alan did the bulk of it, and I did the drawers, and Alan only had to fix a couple of the wheel things that I apparently put on the wrong side.  We also started attacking the closet with full force.  So much stuff, most of which we threw out, as it was crap we had accumulated for years and never did anything with.  After setting up the dresser and cleaning the room out, I put everything we have for the baby in the drawers.  The top drawer is FULL of diapers!!!!!  So many cute things, I even kissed the little dog I bought in the States.  I love it so much, it's so cute!!!!!!

By the time the night was over, I was beat.  A day filled with lunch with friends, a trip to Costco, laundry, dresser building, more laundry, closet cleaning, and of course more laundry, means my bed was looking pretty fine!  I finally get into bed, and little boy Bond decided it is time to play.  I call Alan in to the room to see my tummy moving, and we both just watched it and laughed.  I then took a video.  Check it out.  The quality isn't great as it was on my phone, so I will explain.  The giant blob is my tummy, and the gaping hole is my bellybutton.  My breathing is easy to see as it is regular, but you can really see the punches and kicks.

I didn't go to work today as my back and sciatic nerve are killing me.  I think too much activity yesterday!  I did manage to get out and go to HomeSense today as Alan said walking around would be good for me.  I am sure he didn't mean for me to go to HomeSense and go shopping, but, he should have known that's what I would do!  hahaha

Anyway, I have given up on finding "the perfect" nursey decor, and decided to find a picture I loved and then work from there.  Well, today...I found that picture!  It was quite the drama, as I grabbed it and took it to the next aisle to really look at it, think about it, and inspect it.  This woman comes up and asks me if I am getting it.  I tell her that I think I am.  She then pressures me telling me that she had brought her son to the store, as she wanted to get it. Then she calls him over, and he says he likes it, and she clearly wants him to say that he has to have it, and then rip it out of my hand.  THEN....his daughter comes over and grabs the side of it.   The woman asks me again if I am getting it, even though if by the laws of "First Come, First Serve" I clearly am the winner.   I mean, there was no one around when I picked it up and practically put it in my cart.  I then feel bad that they want it to, but you know, I figured that if I didn't get it now, then I would loose my chance.  And then decide that I am buying it, and if I change my mind it doesn't matter, as I can just get my money back.  But leaving the store without it, means its gone!  AND...it is exactly the type of picture I was looking for too!  Eventually I came to my senses and thought screw her, grabbed it and pretty much ran away.  Then I kept seeing her, and it was so big I couldn't even get it in the cart so I had to carry it around.  I am glad I stood my ground though and screwed them over.  It made me smile that I got what I wanted....and fairly too!  PLUS...it was on clearance!!!

The theme now for the babies room is...well, it's....you know....it's.....okay, so there isn't a theme, but I guess if I had to choose one then I would say it is colours!!!!

I also bought a lamp, 3 more wall pictures, an adorable pillow, and wall hooks for all 3 initials.  Although, in the picture, you can only see the middle and last initial as I turned the first around!!!!  Sorry guys!!!!  I think that I will try to find curtains or the bedding that is red.  I'd like something in orange and green still as well!!!!  My hunt is on!!!  The had really cute mini table and chairs as well, although that isn't necessary at this point.  Steph had picked up a stick-on wall decal the other day so I can't wait to see that!!!   You can't see the dresser/changetable in the picture, so I will wait until later to update that picture when I have more.  The window will be installed in about 3 weeks, then painting, then all the fun decorating stuff can really begin!!!  And then a couple weeks after that is my shower!!!  I can't wait!

Where does the time go?

Another post in just 2 days....I hope I am  not causing anyone too much shock!!!

Things in regards to the pregnancy are going really well.  At the end of the month I have the 4D ultrasound, as well as my WinRo shot because of my negative blood type, or is it positive, I seriously forget.  I just know when and where I have to go to get it.  My next test after that will be for gestational diabestes.  I hope that goes well!  This is my last monthly appointment, and then I am going every 2 weeks to see my prenatal doctor...well, 1 of 11.

Today I am 26 weeks and 4 days!  Getting very close to my 3rd trimester.  The home stretch is coming so soon now!  I never thought I would be at this point.  I would look at people at my Yoga class (also known as the worst 90 minutes of my week) who were 25-30 weeks, and wondered what I would look like at that point, and how I would feel.  I am having a lot of back pains and sciatic nerves problems, but am getting through it.  Last week it was so bad that I told Alan I was done with this pregnancy and that I give up.  I also said that this little boy would be an only child.  We will see if those words prove to be wrong later on!
To help with the back pains, I have a hot water pack, new shoes and am trying to get a monthly massage.  Oh, and I bought a new Lulu Lemon wrap...just because it makes me happy!  I miss my hoodies so much! 

I have gotton in contact with a Doula.  My massage therapist has a client who does this, and passed me her number, as this is something I am very interested in for a number of reasons.  I have a very close friend who is a Doula as well, and she has offered her services.  However, I am leary about how I might treat her at that time, I always seem to think that having someone I know there will be rough as I might be mean to them, but I also know that those I love, and especially her will not take offense to it, and will probably even find it funny!  I know what she will provide me with the comfort and insanity I will likely appreciate at the stressful time of removing a human baby from my body through my crotch!!!!!  Because, word on the street has it that when going through childbirth, that is seriously what is going to happen! OMG!!!

I also know that it will be so hard for her to coordinate her being here for the birth as she lives in Ontario and a 4 hour plane ride at very short notice will be a challenge.  I really don't know what to do. I am stuck as to what decisions to make.  What if I got into labout early, and she isn't here, or she has taken a week off work to be with me, and I am late, and she ends up having to leave before the baby is born?  This is why I feel someone local might be my best option.  We will see.  I am going to meet her tomorrow and see how we get along, and what she believes in and if we are on the same page when it comes to a birth plan. (Which, apparently, according to my book, I should be thinking about....)  OMG AGIAN!!!!

And for photos!!!!

25w1d (Underwater)

25w1d - Floating.  I had this same picture at 17 weeks I think (When in England)

And the most recent where I am at 26w0d.

 (Taken on Aug 13, 2010)

Girls Girl Girls!!!

Last weekend I spent around 4 days with my Mom and 2 sisters. Something I rarely do as I live so far away from them all.

I flew in on Thursday night at 11:30pm into Toronto.  From the airport I went straight to the hotel where they had thrown me a suprise baby shower!  Even though, I was so tired, and stuffy from the plane, it was a lot of fun, and I got some great gifts.  Aside from baby stuff Christine got me a Pandora Carriage Charm, and Brittany got me a Pandora Hedgehog Charm.  I love them!  I had a grand total of 3 charms at this point.

The next morning we got up, had a crapola breakfast, and then headed to Buffalo, New York.  the border crossing was really quick, and cool as we had the top down in the convertable.  Both Brittany and I were freaking out, as we hate the top down feature!

We checked into our mediocre hotel, and instantly started shopping.  The next couple days consisted of more shopping and eating and pedicures!

I did buy a cute baby outfit, a sweater and a Coach Clutch, which I LOVE!!!! 

We threw Christine a suprise baby shower in the Pandora store. We all pitched in and bought her a bracelet, and then we all bought the same charm, so, now I have 4.  I love the charm we all bought, it is a great memory from the mini vacation. Oh, and Christine bought the hedgehog charm as well, so we also all have that one!

Sunday, we packed up and left, and headed back to Canada.  Again, the border crossing was very quick.  I got into the airport with much time to spare, so I decided that have a chair massage, which I think was the best massage I have ever had, followed by an ice cream.  The fligth back was so uncomfortable.  I really don't think I can fly again during this pregnancy, unless of course there was an emergency.

All in all the weekend was great.  We did gang up on eachother a bit, as families do, but I think we all know that it can be easier to poke fun, then it can be to show love! 

Here are some pictures of the trip!

Us Sisters sitting on the back of the convertable!

(Christine (oldest), Brittany (youngest), Me (middle))

Us in our Baboushkas!

The suprise shower we threw Christine at the Pandora store.

The noodles we bought for the pool that we had to walk around with at the mall all day!

Us 3 girls in the pool...with our noodles!!!

This underwater shot took many attempts to have a half decent one! 

All 4 of us on our last day together!

My Body, My Wonderful Body

I've said before that women's bodies are truly amazing, and here I am experiencing this in MY OWN body, everyday!
Everyday, several times a day I can feel this little man moving around.  I am not yet sure if I can feel his kicks or punches, but I feel something, that is for sure.
This past weekend, I was watching TV, and as my belly is getting larger, I see it more than I ever have before.  Well, I thought I saw my belly move, but wasn't sure, so I continuously watched, and sure enough, little man was moving so much that it was visible from the outside.  Alan also caught it as well.  It was so special that I was able to experience something and then instantly share it with him.
People have often said to me "Wait until your tummy moves on its own, or you see hand move across"  Well.....I had no idea it would be so soon.
I almost want to rush to the store and grab a packet of Malteesers and be just like the couple on the commercial!  haha

I am currently 24 weeks and 4 days, ALREADY!!!  It seems as though the time has passed so quickly, of course with a few very slow days and week squeezed in there as well.

Our preparations for him have slowed down for now.  We ordered a new window for his room, but it cannot be installed until sometime in September, so we have to wait until after the installation to be able to paint, and decorate, we will also wait for our divorce...I mean furniture building day until after the install as well.  Since I won't be able to lift the furniture, I think I will stay out of that altogether, especially as it can be so stressful for couples to share in building furniture!  haha
I think we have all the diapers we need though, unless of course I hate a certain style and have to replace them.  We did buy a dresser/changetable this weekend though.

Steph has started planning the shower, which will happen in October.  I am so excited!!!!  She will do an amazing job as a host!  I hope that everyone will be able to come and celebrate with me.

This weekend, I am flying to Ontario, only to hop in my Mom's convertible car shortly after landing, with my sisters and mom, to spend the weekend in Buffalo, NY.  It should be a good time, hopefully there aren't any family fights or freakouts.  No guarantees of course though!  It will be neat to see my oldest sister Christine pregnant as I don't think I saw her pregnant with her first at all! 

At the end of the month, I have my 4D ultrasound scheduled.  As creeped out as I am by these scans, I am excited to get a sneak peek of baby and confirm again that he does in fact have a penis!  I am allowed to bring people with me, and so far, Steph and Caitlin are coming.  Zoe will also be in from Houston that weekend, so hopefully she can attend as well!!!

Things are going so well.  I am though, incredibly lazy, and seriously cannot even remember the last time I cooked or cleaned.  I still do laundry all the time, but other than that NOTHING!!!  I even ask Alan to get me things like ice cream and water!  I feel horrible, but at the same time, I know I have limited time left to be lazy or bored, so I am going to ride this out as long as possible, in which, these days are numbered anyway.  This second trimester has really shown me the true meaning of fatigue and discomfort.  Still manageable though, where I can productively continue to work and function (on some days), so that's good.

On another note, this past weekend, we were able to help friends move, attend the annual Capital Ex Festivities and do lots of yard work.  Alan did the most part of the yard work, okay, all of it, I did have to refill his water though, as it was another scortcher this weekend.  I also did a little shopping, and Alan fixed his newly aquired weed eater and blower! 

Life is great!  I am in great health, as is Baby Bond and Alan.  The pets are happy, healthy and full of love, the bills are paid, we love our house and jobs, and of course eachother, what more could we ask for? Our lives are damn near perfect!!!!

Happy August Everyone!

And finally....some updated photos (although not from this week)!

22w1d

23w1d

23w1d (this picture looks funny because it my belly looks all bumpy and the way I am standing I am really looking as though I will tip over!!!)

The Joys of Sickness

Well, another week passes, and another illness rears its ugly sick head!!
We went to a wedding this weekend, and part way through the reception, I instantly felt sick.  I had only eaten a couple bites of food, so I doubt it was the food,  maybe it was the company!  Ha!! 
Anyway, I get the fever and chills just like the flu, and the abdominal cramping starts too.  We leave shortly after the speeches, but do have a quick dance with little baby!  He moves so much when music is playing.  I'm going to say its love and not hate!
I get home, straight to bed, and the next morning is HORRIBLE!  I am so cold that I can barely even get out of bed to use the loo, which of course was where I needed to spend most of my day.  I was in bed all day with a couple quick escapes for the toilet, drink, and to let pup out.
When Alan came home he made me some soup, and then I basically went back to bed.  Felt great to eat though.
Monday was basically the same.  I stayed home from work and slept for the most part.  The abdominal cramping was so bad.  I seriously thought I was in labour.  In fact, I called Alan at work on Sunday and told him I was having contractions.  I had never felt this type of pain before and certainly not to that extent.  At one point, I even checked for dialation and crowning of a head!  No joke!  This was by all means not normal cramping. 
Kobe and Lewis were very supportive and curious about me.

So, here we are on Tuesday, and there is still no baby, as it turns out, Alan was correct I wasn't in labour.
I am seeing a specialist today about my bone disease, so I will bring up all the issues I have been having lately.  Including all the gorrey details, that for your sanity I did spare you!  Seriously, you're welcome!!!! Hopefully she can assist me with the other problems, which I have decided are intestinal issues and not pregnancy related.

BUT.....on Sunday, I was in bed...of course....Alan came to see me, and I said that the little one was going mental, so Alan touched my tummy where I indicated, and then before I could even say something or look at him, he says "I felt it"  then of course, he got his Daddy proud smile on, and kissed me.  It was another glorious first for Alan.  Truly amazing!!!

Throughout all the illnesses I have had and all the uncertainty in this pregnancy, these little moments of joy that I experience and especially see in Alan make me realize the joys that I am going through now, and will go through later!  In the end, it is all worth it.  That I know.  Sometimes, it is just hard to see past the fog. 

Poked, Sore, and Annoyed!

I think that it is completely normal to have ridiculous fears.  For example, some of my biggest fears of childbirth are: 
a) How will Alan cope with the gore and stress?
b) I have to have IV
c) I have to wear a hospital gown
d) Tearing
I could see caring about Alan and the tearing being legit, but a fear of IV and gowns?  Give me a break.  It's not my fault though, those are just fears that I have.

I won't even mention my regular daily fears!  haha

Well, yesterday....I had to have 2 IV's and I saw a peek at how Alan will be during the birth.

Friday I started having some pains, felt like an ovarian cyst.  The pain the radiated towards my back in my kidney area.  And, I am no stranger to cysts or kidney problems.  Saturday night it seemed to get worse, so bad even that the pressure was almost too much to handle.  Not pains really, more pressure.
Sunday morning, I woke up, and it was still there, I called Capital Health Link and they suggested that I go to the hospital where I will deliver, skip Emerg, and go straight to the Maternity Ward.
As it turns out, they were short staffed, and (after crying and getting lost) I learnt that all patients were being seen in Labour and Delivery.  Alone, I walk into the main area, where 20 nurses or nurse looking people stare at me.  I then tell them I was referred here by Capital Health Link, am 21 weeks, and am in pain.  Immediately, I get wisked away to room 71.  The nurse throws me in a gown, lays me down, puts monitors on my belly, and listens to what appears to be a baby with great vital signs and lots of activity. (Such a relief!!!)

THEN...they ask my name, and why I am there.  They were great, immediately I was cared for, and my baby's health was looked into.
Shortly after this, Alan showed up, witnessed a vaginal exam (he was looking away, I felt so bad for him, and I actially felt somewhat violated that he had to witness it), I gave blood (1 failed attempt, 1 successful) and also gave more blood for my "cultures" test.  (Alan had his head between his legs, trying not to pass out).  I also had to give urine.  Alan left just after this to put more money in the meter, warm his feet (it was freezing) and also to check the score of the soccer game.  What he did miss though, was when they tried to administer the IV.  I really didn't want it in my hand, and my tears helped relay this.  The nurse left, got another, and tried my arm.  OMFG!!!!  I felt the GIANT needle puncture my skin, then puncture something else, and then a lot of movement.  She couldn't find the vain.  Taking the needle out was even worse.  I breathed, and tried to concentrate that it wasn't a big deal, but at one point, I did let out a little squeal.  Alan then comes back into the room, and I know wants to leave again, which sets me into a fit of giggles.  Then time for round 2 of the IV, this time in my right hand.  The nurse (another new one) uses a much smaller needle, thank god.  I look at Alan who is looking at me, but it breaks my heart to see him suffer, so I just look up to the ceiling and stare and cry. 
Good Times!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I am not scared of needles at all, and actually prefer to watch them go in rather than look away, but giving blood or getting a shot, seems so much less invasive than an IV.  This has always been a fear of mine.  I did have IV one other time, but I was so high on meds that I had no idea what was going on, and it was in my wrist, so still better than my hand.

The antibiotics FINALLY come, and then the wait begins.  Because I am allergic to EVERYTHING there wasn't much they could give me, so they use the IV, and the nurse stands there and waits to make sure I don't have a reaction. 
The nurse leaves and more waiting around. Alan and I were so bored!!!!  We snooped in all the cabinets (well, he did, I couldn't move, fear of the IV being ripped out, and blood everywhere!!!!), and then I whinged about my butt being numb, wearing a gown with a stain on it, and being so cold.  It was freezing in there, Alan even used the blowdryer to warm his toes!!!
The neat part of it all though, was that we were in a delivery room, so we know what to expect for next time!!!  A little view of the future!

I am sure that more stuff happened, and I was tested for other things as well, but I truly forget. Maybe it wasn't even all in that order.  At the end of the day though, the only conclusive test we had was that I had high levels of potassium.  My kidneys and ovaries appeared to be normal.  We skipped seeing the radiologist at this point.  I do have to give more blood today though, and other results will be in tomorrow. The doctor (who was called in from the pre-natal clinic I go to) does recommend that I see the specialist that I have been hiding from for a couple months now.  I am not impressed about this.  She figures that my bone disease could be an underlying issue in regards to my kidney problems and potassium levels.  The levels though aren't so high that I need to be medicated for it.

I just hope to get my issues with my kidneys sorted out.  The paint that I experience and the troubles I get has to be something.  How can it not be???  This pain sometimes is so extreme that I have collapsed in pain!  Childbirth will be a breeze I am sure!!!

But, I wore a gown, no big deal really.....had the IV...it was hell....saw Alan deal with all this, but at least he got a preview.  Now all I have to conquer is the tearing part!  Well, I could always skip this I guess.  haha

The care was amazing though, I never expected anything THAT great.  I finally saw the new hospital, which is great, and the baby is fine, and as it stands right now, so am I!!!!  I did though, wear clothes that made me look as pregant as possible, and I cramed my wedding rings on my finger, as I assumed (which Alan thinks I am crazy) that married women get better care than whores off the street.  (This was never confirmed!)

I did get some photos of course though!!!

All hooked up!!!

The IV that worked in my hand.

The successful bloodwork arm, and unsuccessful IV arm.  (It is still throbbing, I had no idea skin is actually removed form my arm!!!!)

***Update:  shortly after posting this blog, I did have a reaction to my new antibiotics.  The reason I didn't take them last night was because I am allergic to everything, and we didn't want anything to happen while I was sleeping.

I waited till I was at work today and around other people.  I did react though.....I threw up MANY times at my desk in my garbabge can.....how embarrasing!!!  It wasn't an allergic reaction like usual, just a side effect.  so, that's good.  It is an antibiotic comparable to pencillin which I can't have, so that's a good sign!

Warning about Popcorn Kernels

This past week was a great one, for so many reasons.  Gender Determination, organizing fiasco somewhat progressing, standing up for myself....etc.
I got off work early on Friday, at noon, and then went to some baby stores and bought 4 more diapers and a couple covers.  They're so cute!!!
Saturday, a friend and I went to the Farmers Market in St. Albert, and it was great!  Bought some cherries, lunch and popcorn.  Kettle Corn!  Yum!!!!  After the market, we took the parking ticket off the window and continued on shopping. I bought 7 cute little sleepers!  I can't wait to hold something so small wearing them! 

The rest of Saturday and Sunday were relaxing.  Kobe and I couldn't get off the chair, and watched TV mostly the entire time.  Between naps and a couple quick loads of laundry and of course finishing the Kettle Corn.

While watching TV, I felt this little pop inside me.  It almost felt like gas, but not at the same time.  I instantly wondered if it was a "flutter".  What the hell is a freakin flutter??  and who came up with this term???

Later on last night, I was having such a hard time.  I was really crampy and was feeling a lot of pressure and muscles moving, etc.  I was VERY uncomfortable.  We had nachos in the livingroom and had to use the coffee table as our table, and it is very low, and leaning over like that is more of a challenge now than it once was.  All of my comfy pants were in the wash, so I literally had to resort to pulling my pants down and around my thighs while I wait.  (That or I wear dress pants)  After whinging to Alan about what my life has become, he told me he understood how I felt.  I quickly reminded him that he has never grown a human inside him, so he actually doesn't know.  And like the great man he is, he agreed that no, he doesn't actually understand he just feels bad that I am uncomfortable.

Well, after supper, we were watching TV, and I felt little popping again.  I told Alan and he said for sure it must have been our son.  I felt my skin to feel if it was on the outside, but it was so hard to concentrate.  We even had to mute the TV!!! 

So....either, I was being punched or kicked by our baby; or the popcorn kernels I may have eaten were popping inside me!
Lying in bed I felt it again!  It was so neat and real.  I am so excited for when Alan can feel it for himself!!!!

*** Update:  Since I have posted this blog a few hours ago, the popping has continued!!!  I am definately sure now that my little man is saying hello and that it is not popcorn kernels!!!  YAY!!!!  This is so hard to believe.  This time last year I never imagined feeling a baby inside me move, because I never thought we would actually conceive.  Or I was thinking cycle to cycle and not anything after an actual positive pregnancy test. (Which I also didn't believe would happen)  I really didn't imagine these emotions I would feel.  I didn't realize that everyday would be a new day, and even though when people ask me how I am, I always say that everyday is a new day, I believe it more and more now.  The changes are so drastic and so sudden.  And really, there are somethings I feel every woman experiences in their own way at their own time. No one can tell you what it will be like.  No one can really say the emotions you experience when you feel this "fluttering".  Just this morning I still felt kinda creeped out by a human moving inside me, but at this moment I sit here with tears in my eyes, amazed at what the female body can do, but more importantly, what MY body can do!!!  This is my baby inside me, my son, Mine and Alan's and I couldn't be more excited.  I am still suprised that I look back 10 years from today; before Alan and I were together, and I knew, I knew right away when I met him that he would be the father of my children.  And here I sit, with something he and I created growing inside me!!!!  I think right now, I am overwhelemed with the feelings of love!!!!!!

Penis or Vagina????

So, yesterday was the day I had been anticipating for exactly 3 months, the day of my first pre-natal appointment I was given a req for my my ultrasound.
It suprises me that the day has come and gone, my 2nd Trimester diagnostic ultrasound!
The tech was really nice.  The day didn't turn out as planned.  I am horribly sick again, and ended up leaving work to go to the hospital to get my breathing checked out, as it was getting more difficult to breathe and my inhaler simply wasn't working.  Alan ended up driving me to work and the entire time, I coughed so much that I was heaving and puking into a bag.  I was very concerned that I wasn't getting enough oxygen and in turn the baby wouldn't be either.  And also, I had a lot of pressure in my abdomen, and wasn't sure if I could have ruptured something.  I had no idea. 
So, after that, we grabbed some lunch, head off to Indigo Books for a minute, and then to the Clinic.  I was there early, and they were able to get my in early as well.  So, that was great.  The only downside was that I didn't drink enough water.  (I thought I could fool them)  The tech then made me drink 5 styrofoam glasses of warm water!  I know, you must think I have lost all my morals - I DRANK FROM A STYROFOAM CUP!!!  This is something I NEVER do!!
So, after my warm water earth ruining chug event, she starts.  And I mention to her that WE would like to know the sex of the baby.  A couple minutes later, she simply states "You are having a baby boy"  she turns the screen so I can see it, and shows me that there is in fact a penis and a scrotum.  It is 100% confirmed.  There was no mistaking it.  We also saw the cord, so I know it wasn't mistaken for a penis, as I have heard that this can sometimes happen.  I was shocked that she told me like that, as I said WE, not I.  Oh well.  (My reaction was simply me stating "I knew it", I didn't feel much emotion wise, I think I just wanted Alan there to be with me, to experience it all.)
Later I have to make her stop as I have the worst paine ver in my kidney.  Same as the pains I have had so many times before. I knew it was my kidney, and I needed to get up and walk around. I told her about it, and she didn't seem too concerned.  Then it became so bad, that I just sat up, and got off the table and moved around.  I threw off that disgusting slimy hospital gown and was only in my bra and underware.  Note:  My dignity is already gone!!!
I was in so much pain that I couldn't even speak well, and she did look atmy kidneys, but nothing she saw was unusual.  I also don't think she is a qualified kidney inspection expert.  I even looked at he screen to see if I saw an entire family of bugs eatting away at my vital organs.  I saw no such thing. 
So...back to the good stuff!!!!  Alan comes into the room finally, (I was just finishing peeing) as the diagnostics part of the xam is over.  He walks in, I lay back on the bed.....still pretty much naked, as I wasn't putting that gross slimy lubricated thing all over my newly shaped body.  I smile at him, and tell him I know what it is.  The tech then shows him the head, the arms, leg, spine and penis.  He was so shocked, I think he was convinced it was going to be a girl.  He looked so suprised and so happy, that I fully reacted and got tears in my own eyes.  His smile was perfect, and was ear to ear!!!
Then the calls and texts started, and usually those I called knew why I was calling, so when they picked up, I simply screamed out "I saw a penis!!!"  hahaha
All in all, despite all my health problems that day, it was perfect!!!!!!  We know the sex of our baby and are so happy!!!!!!
Congratulations to us AGAIN!!!!

Joy Joy Joy!!!!

Two posts in 1 day!  I must be going crazy!!!!

Anyway, the xray clinic just called to confirm my appointment tomorrow at 2pm!!!!
I also then asked if their techs will determine the sex of the baby.  And she assured me that as long as I am between 18-20 weeks (I AM!!) and the baby will allow it that they will tell us!
I then asked her if all the techs do, that I heard through the horrible mean people ruining lives grapevine that some techs do not believe this is necessary and could not disclose it to us.
She then assured me, after giggling, that as far as she knows, all the techs there do tell you if you want to know!
Finally, the world is at peace!

I Don't Have Immunity!!!

This pregnancy has brought me many things, and taught me many things.
One thing I have been given over and over, is illness.  The ALL DAY sickness has passed, and, and I get mini flus and colds over and over.  Friday just after noon the latest one started.  I ended up going to bed at 7:30pm, waking up late the next morning, all without food, so needless to say I was very weak, and the heat wafting through the house didn't help at all either!!! Alan was full of energy though, and got so much done around the house it was unreal!  He was like a machine.  I did manage to shower though and go to a bday party for a 2 year old, and then I just layed in my chair and watched crap TV all day!  Same for Sunday as well, other than the trip to Home Depot, Thyme, and Canadian Tire.

To make matters even worse, I was on edge all weekend, loosing valuable sleep over my ultrasound tomorrow!  I am so scared that I am going to have some mean old bitch who won't tell me the sex of the baby.  I know how things go down at the last place I went, but this is a different clinic this time, and I don't know what to expect.  I know that last time they allowed Alan in with me, and went through everything in detail.  She even let me pee part way through the ultrasound, which if you have ever been pregnant and forced to hold over 1 Litre of liquid in your bladder before, while laying on your back wth pressure applied to your tummy you can appreciate my praise when I was told to go for a pee and then come back!  Why wouldn't I come back though, I was in a freakin hospital gown!!!!!

It seems as though I have no control over what I feel either.  It is so pathetic really.  Why can I not just put my mind at rest and think of something else.  Even this morning, when Kobe came on the bed with me, he was so cute and so snuggled in with me, that normally I would wake Alan up to show him, but even Kobe can't lift my spirits on this one.  I wish I had more control over my mind and my emotions.

But ya, back to the original topic.  I hate being sick.  It is basically just me in the office this week, so I have to be here all day every day (except my appointment tomorrow).  My cough is so bad that this morning on the way to work I coughed so hard that I puked all over my seat and some of it even got on my leg.  EWWWWWW!!!

And, on another note, I think I am suffocating my boobs.  I finally broke down yesterday and bought new bras.  My nipples were always hanging out of the ones I had, and enough was enough.  I went to Thyme, as I had previously gone everywhere else and had no luck.
Well, I ended up buying 2, and they are so annoying.  It was okay in the store OF COURSE, but as I am wearing it today, it is so tight, the straps are so thick, the undwire is digging in between my boobs, and I just want to rip it off immediately.  What I want to find, are the bras I currently have and LOVE, just a size larger, but I can't find them anymore.

If anyone has any remedies or advice on how to treat a cold and cough while in my "condition", please do let me know!

Baby Bond Is On The Way!!!

I am offically telling everyone now that Alan and I are expecting!!  I should also add that Lewis and Kobe are as well, but they just don't know yet.  We keep prepping them, but they will realize soon enough.  We are still keeping Lewis out of the spare room, as we still want to maintain the only hair free zone in the house!  Not only are Alan and I expecting, but so are Zoe and Zane (Alan's sister) and Christine and Todd (my sister).  They are both a few weeks behind me.  Both sets grandparents are going to have a busy fall thats for sure!!!

Our official due date is November 19, 2010.  I can't believe I am already half way done my pregnancy.  These last months have gone by so quickly yet so slowly at the same time. 

It is hard to imagine a little baby in our house.  We have so much to do for preparations still.  We need to clean out the den, move the guest room into the den, and then the guest room where it is currently will become the BABIES ROOM!!!  OMG!!!!

I guess I will start from the beginning......This journey for us started over a year ago, and finally a positive result on the pregnancy test.  After being motionless for seconds and in shock, I automatically assumed I must have done something wrong, afterall, I had had so many negative results, that I couldn't believe we had a positive one.  On my lunch break one day (March 17, 2010) I decided to pop out of the office for my remainig 15 minutes, buy a test, and go for a pee.  Well, we all know how impatient I am, so I walked into any old office building that had them for sale, then went up a few floors, found a bathroom and did the test.  I immediately called a couple friends, but couldn't even really speak cause I was still motionless and in shock.  (Emailing pictures is what I resulted to in the end)   I NEVER thought this was going to happen, it seemed like such a long "trying" period, and our next option was for fertility testing.  I had already been awaiting my appointment with a specialist. 

After somehow managing to walk the few blocks back to my building, I walked in, and went into a co-workers office and put her hand on my chest to let her feel my heart beat.  I still laugh as some errors are coming up that were made that day!  I really can't be held accountable for whatever I did those last few hours of that day.

I had planned on how to tell Alan months previous to this, when I thought I may have been pregnant, but after getting bloodwork done to confirm it, I got home, and SUPRISE....not pregnant!!!!  I decided that I didn't like that idea anymore, as it wasn't my current feelings, so in my daze of emotions that day, I came up with this idea (see picture).  Let me tell you...there is still a dent on my kitchen floor from where I stood forever staring out the window so I could see Alan's reaction as he parked the truck after work.  As he got out of the truck, I sent Kobe outside for his greeting, then waited to see what Alan said.  He then asked me if I was serious.  Do I seem that evil that I would do this as a joke!  He said when he called to say he was on his way home, he knew something was up, he could hear it in my voice.  We then cut the balloons off, and let them go in the air for good luck.  (That, and and we can't have them in the house as the cat will go mental!)  I was really happy with the way I told/showed Alan the news, and he used to always comment to me when I parked in the "Expectant Mothers Parking Only" spots at the mall....they have the great spots so close to the doors!  This was a good play on my old trick anyway! 

March 17 seems like so long ago, as so much has happened since then.  Both my body and memory are long gone.  Gone also, is the morning sickness.  I never thought this would pass.  I was on Diclectin for a few weeks, and occasionally I still dry heave, but after a few minutes this passes.  I no longer vomit at the sight of bread, but now suffer with a sore tummy at night because popscicles always seem like a good idea at the time!!!

Below are some pictures!!!

9 Weeks!!! (Looking, but not feeling the same as I was 9 weeks previously!!!)

Our little Babers at the 11 week genetic testing ultrasound appointment!  This is the cutest thing I have ever seen. Alan was suprised to see that it wasn't all just "mush"

13 Weeks (Definately starting to show!)

The following were all taken in England a couple weeks ago when I was 17 weeks.

This is the news that I have been waiting so long to tell everyone!!!!!  Congratualtions to Alan and I!!!!